depression
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Yes I’ve been silent for a month or so (again) and yes I know, I’m not keeping the promises to myself to document this healing journey as often as I should. Should is a heavy word. But at the same time, I can’t and won’t pressure myself. This is my journey of healing and it’s Read more
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I’ve just read one of my previous posts Solace is Golden, and I know I’ve regressed. For the past 3 weeks since I re-surfaced to share my healing, I’ve not been able to cope with my emotions. I haven’t written in recent weeks as the emotional overload has left me feeling deflated and depressed with Read more
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I feel like I’ve fallen off the wagon…I haven’t written since 27 July. But I do have a very valid excuse. It’s because I *actually* took a dear friend’s advice to get out of my mental and daily rut (I’m a pro at NOT taking advice!!) and went away for a week for a sojourn, Read more
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Reading books about trauma lately, I totally relate to how trauma survivors (who haven’t learned to regulate and heal) stay in survival mode. Survival mode (for me anyway) is linked to comfort zone, what feels safe and familiar and getting ‘through’ life rather than getting ‘from’ life. There’s a big difference in getting through life Read more
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Oh for fuck’s sake…I’ve spiralled again this week. Not enough exercise, not getting up early enough, not doing my pranayama (yeah, yeah ‘breathwork’), not enough yoga, didn’t go outdoor swimming blah blah, fucking blah…. The sad-sack-ness has consumed me. Grief and overwhelm (I’m experiencing both at the moment) and a complete paralysis to want to Read more
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I’m feeling very flat, uninspired and unmotivated. It was like a wave of sad-sack-ness descended upon me out of nowhere yesterday and I’m struggling to write this…(a sad sack is sad, gloomy person….). I thought I was doing so well… I realised last night that I hadn’t written for four days. Well, I lie. I Read more
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This has bothered me for a long time but I’ve never really known myself. I know most of the human population could say that about themselves but I mean in the context of thriving and doing things that make me happy. It was watching the headline act at Glastonbury festival on Saturday night, Coldplay, that Read more
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Last year I stayed at a B&B down south with my narcy ex called “Gunnado”. I didn’t get it at first. I pronounced it “Gunardo”. It’s actually pronounced “Gunn-a-do” – you know, I’m gunna do it. Simply because the owners had the flat on their ‘gunna-do-it” list. Didn’t realise that flat was an oracle telling Read more
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I’ve spiralled over the past few days, since last Thursday. I’ve been feeling depressed, lost, with no feeling or purpose, no direction, lost in the wilderness of my life (again – I’ve been here before) and the same compulsive thoughts flying around my mind that I can’t seem to get rid of. I got up Read more
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I sat down to write something else but have been massively triggered by everything that someone else is doing and being and everything I’m not. I’m not going to say who I’ve looked at and what I’ve read. I am in tears and I weep the tears of sorrow and sadness and regret and resentment Read more