These are my diarised series of ‘thought notes’ that I Whatsapp’d to myself from August 2025 -January 2026, (a blogging hiatus lasting 5 months). Sometimes a one liner. Sometimes an essay. All raw, unabated truth. Any similiarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental…
19 August 2025
I’m feeling into the tragedy of a girl who didn’t become who she was. I really lament for that period of my life. What could I have become if hadn’t thrown my life away? What would have I become? What would I be without the trauma in me, unsettling me? I’ve realised only silence and space can help you mourn and grieve the parts of your life that need to be mourned and grieved. I was looking for an opportunity. I was looking for a break. I was looking for someone to give me a break. I was desperate but the desperation led me astray. I was lost in the wilderness of my life. I was looking for someone to come and fix my life. To save me. To put me back together. There were too many barriers to feel love and happiness. And there are a multitude of trajectories in any one moment, a mutlitude of paths and choices. I was way too disassociated to feel what was right for me, to know what was the right path, the right trajectory. Once you make your choice, all the other trajectories fall away. But do they ever come back? Do they wait for you? Are the other paths still there to pick up?
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