These are my diarised series of ‘thought notes’ that I Whatsapp’d to myself from August 2025 -January 2026, (a blogging hiatus lasting 5 months). Sometimes a one liner. Sometimes an essay. All raw, unabated truth. Any similiarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental…
19 August 2025
Been sitting with my inner child, just thinking about the tragedy of a girl who didn’t become who she was. I lament for that period of my life. I really do. The what ifs. What if I’d taken a different path? What if I’d have had some guidance? What if I wasn’t so foolish and impressionable? I have to feel her pain I can’t block it. She lives in me cuz she hasn’t been able to feel. I guess only silence and space can help you mourn and grieve the parts of your life that need to be mourned and grieved. I was looking for an opportunity. I was looking for a break. I was always looking for someone to give me a break, to help me along. I was desperate but the desperation led me astray. I was lost in the wilderness of my life. Only now I realise there are a multitude of trajectories in any one moment.
But I was looking for someone to come and fix my life. To save me. To put me back together. But there were too many barriers to feel love and happiness. Maybe I bypassed that person with my frozen heart?
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