These are my diarised series of ‘thought notes’ that I Whatsapp’d to myself from August 2025 -January 2026, (a blogging hiatus lasting 5 months). Sometimes a one liner. Sometimes an essay. All raw, unabated truth. Any similiarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental…
14 September 2025
The beached whale was causing drama about CCTV. More bollocks to deal with yet again here at Bastard Mews. Why do some people just thrive on drama and want to create more and more? She’s a vile piece of work. I’m flat as a pancake and not buoyant at all. Been feeling like that since the curry lunch last Saturday. I hate being here. I just don’t want to be in my house any more. My home feels toxic. It doesn’t feel like a safe, cosy haven. I’m thinking about this flatness. I started feeling like that in early August but was very busy and distracted with decorating and DIY at mine and mum’m and then feeling too tired and vegging out watching The Count of Monte Cristo which I was absorbed with. So now I’m just overwhelmed with a flat feeling. Plus I’m really struggling internally. I’m not coping with anything at all and feeling very fragile. I’ve got cases going on, I’m in constant fight mode and then there’s constant conflict here in Bastard Mews. There’s no respite and there’s no joy. I’m getting very anxious over Bastard Mews shit & drama and the sheer belligerence of others. Not coping at all. Haven’t been out and haven’t seen anyone. Haven’t even been to the barns/cafe to say hi to everyone. Can’t recall the last time I went. Just feel like I’m in my cocoon.
I’m feeling dull, flat and dejected.
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