life
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As above, so below; as within, so without. I originally started this post on 3 Feb 25 but it fell by the wayside which pisses me off as this writing is cathartic for me and also a promise to myself and my healing. There’s just been too much aggro and bullshit going on in my Read more
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I feel like I’ve fallen off the wagon…I haven’t written since 27 July. But I do have a very valid excuse. It’s because I *actually* took a dear friend’s advice to get out of my mental and daily rut (I’m a pro at NOT taking advice!!) and went away for a week for a sojourn, Read more
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As a survivor of childhood trauma, thriving is a thing that I’m literally having to learn. And that is in all areas of my life from play to work to relationships. Especially with relationships. I haven’t had the discerning ability to know what’s good for me or not, and how to ‘choose’ male relationships rather Read more
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Reading books about trauma lately, I totally relate to how trauma survivors (who haven’t learned to regulate and heal) stay in survival mode. Survival mode (for me anyway) is linked to comfort zone, what feels safe and familiar and getting ‘through’ life rather than getting ‘from’ life. There’s a big difference in getting through life Read more
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Oh for fuck’s sake…I’ve spiralled again this week. Not enough exercise, not getting up early enough, not doing my pranayama (yeah, yeah ‘breathwork’), not enough yoga, didn’t go outdoor swimming blah blah, fucking blah…. The sad-sack-ness has consumed me. Grief and overwhelm (I’m experiencing both at the moment) and a complete paralysis to want to Read more
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I’m feeling very flat, uninspired and unmotivated. It was like a wave of sad-sack-ness descended upon me out of nowhere yesterday and I’m struggling to write this…(a sad sack is sad, gloomy person….). I thought I was doing so well… I realised last night that I hadn’t written for four days. Well, I lie. I Read more
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It’s a Saturday sunny midday and I’m sitting down to write this blog. I’m not sure how many Saturdays I’ve sat down to write. I feel strangely peaceful and calm today; I don’t feel so stormy from within today. What it could be is I did do some yoga this morning along with vagus nerve Read more
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I’ve started reading a book about healing the inner child – I think that very much goes hand-in-hand with healing childhood trauma, don’t you think? One ‘symptom’ of ingrained childhood trauma is difficulty maintaining relationships. Now, I’ve never considered myself someone who can’t make friends or maintain friendships or relationships. In fact, I make friends Read more
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I started writing out this post yesterday. Usually I can complete a post quite quickly and get into my flow as this stuff just oozes out of me. But I was finding it really difficult to write yesterday and I felt very, very shitty…. I’m wasn’t flowing and I felt clogged up (in fact I Read more
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I’m learning to dial down my survival speed setting from super fast to slow. That is the sign of a dysregulated nervous system. How many cold showers is it going o take to get regulated??? All my life I’ve simply floated along, going through the motions whilst I’m not all there. It’s been a flat, Read more