Healing
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I know I had a “Babadook” living in me for a very long time… (and it’s taken me weeks to try and write this post which is siginificant in itself). It’s just too huge a subject in my life. No, I never coined the phrase ‘Babadook’. It’s a movie I was drawn to watch about Read more
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I feel like crying. I’m conscious of the fact that I haven’t written in 3 weeks not because I didn’t want to, but I just can’t seem to. Yes I’ve been away for 9 days in between (which is a valid ‘excuse’) but after writing my previous post where I candidly expressed how my pain Read more
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I’ve been wondering lately: is there a gift in my childhood trauma? Is there something beautiful in the bad, some sort of meaning that I need to find? Is there something to learn from my painful experiences to help me live differently, to mould and shape my life and make better choices? The questions arose Read more
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My mental health has taken a huge nose-dive this past week. I’m still fragile. Extremely. I feel like I’ve collapsed from within. My emotions are teetering and simmering on the surface and I’m edgy as hell. Very edgy. I’m crying easily over seemingly minor issues and I feel weak from within; all my inner strength Read more
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My anxiety has a voice. It’s only very recently I’ve realised that it’s the voice of chronic anxiety (although I hate labels like that). It’s a negative voice by default constantly popping up in all kinds of scenarios warning me of some impending doom. But I don’t think it (meaning the voice) or me are Read more
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Is leaky boundaries like leaky gut sydrome where toxins leak in and out? I have to face facts that I have boundaries like a tea bag (although I like to think I’m oh so together). I say this because of what happened a few days ago when I went to a small event about writing. Read more
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Let’s talk about dysregulated. It’s happened twice in 7 days and I feel like I’ve regressed… I fucking hate it; just when I think I’m healing and then BOOM something comes along to slap me hard in face and sends me stumbling and sliding down a slippery slope into the “trigger-dome”, reminding me that there Read more
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As above, so below; as within, so without. I originally started this post on 3 Feb 25 but it fell by the wayside which pisses me off as this writing is cathartic for me and also a promise to myself and my healing. There’s just been too much aggro and bullshit going on in my Read more
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I know that’s the name of a rock band and this blog has nothing to do with music (just in case you’re inclined to continue reading). Little things can make me fly off the handle in an inconsolable rage. I often react wildly disproportionately to minor things that most people would find mildly annoying or Read more
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Reading books about trauma lately, I totally relate to how trauma survivors (who haven’t learned to regulate and heal) stay in survival mode. Survival mode (for me anyway) is linked to comfort zone, what feels safe and familiar and getting ‘through’ life rather than getting ‘from’ life. There’s a big difference in getting through life Read more