Feeling more resilient I confronted JKR the ‘friend’ who suddenly dumped me out of the blue (after I asked her partner for some support after splitting with The Narc). It was a situation I didn’t see coming when she cut me off overnight, which hit me like a fast train and sent me reeling from the emotional pain. It was a shock to the system and massively triggering for me with the abandonment issues I have from childhood and that includes familial femal betrayal. Of course, I’m now on this healing journey to reconcile that childhood trauma.
I’ve been wanting to say something to her for months. And feeling more resilient last week (and you have to check in with your resilience levels prior to confronting something or someone), I decided to send her a Whatsapp message. It was un emotional, cold and to the point message, calling out her behaviour and wanting an adult explanation and some closure. A message that I am quite proud of and pleased that I finally sent, putting the monkey firmly on her back showing her what a cunt she really is. I sent it at 9.30am on Saturday morning. And guess what??? She hasn’t replied! What a surprise Ms Passive Aggressor of the Year. What award do you get for that? Perhaps some shit in the post? She’s been the silent aggressor for 4 months and now she’s been confronted she got her tail between the crack in her arse even more. I haven’t wronged her in any way, shape or form; all I asked for was a bit of support. I was a woman feeling vulnerable and just needed some support and what does she do? Kick me to one side; dispose of me; ‘don’t go near her’ like I’m some kind of leper! What a fucking coward. Do you know what, I think she might even be a covert narcissist. Looking back, she did everything on her terms when it suited her. On the face of it, she’s kind, caring and softly spoken. But to be this passive aggressive shows a huge flaw in her and a very different side revealing her true nature. And like I said before passive aggressive behaviour is like silent gas-lighting – it’s covert narcissism, making the person who it’s being inflicted on question themselves. It’s insidious and dangerous behaviour AND it can make you so angry that you end up lashing out at the passive aggressor which makes you look bad! That’s how they manipulate you; these types of silent aggressors have a way of quietly withdrawing, pushing others to say and do things because you’re trying to find meaning, answers or gain closure. But in doing so, you get emotional and angry and then getting the blame for being the unhinged aggressive one, whilst the mean spirited, passive aggressor looks innocent. Silent killers. That’s the game they play. It’s seriously fucked up.
It’s only now I realise (after dating The Narc and now my experience with this fiend of a friend) how narcissistic my family was, growing up around them and the hurt they inflicted upon me and my mum. I grew up around a bunch of covert narcs -it’s taken me this long to realise it. Blame was the no.1 tactic used by my aunts not only against my mum but also me when I had an opportunity to confront them later in life. More about my childhood shit on another blog. Blame, lies, pity-mongering/victimhood, manipulation and passive aggression was what I mainly witnessed from my born-into family (they aren’t my real family) as well as lust for money for one’s own advancement which is another over-arching trait. Why are we born into shit holes like that but the effect reverberate throughout life and we end up meeting people like that, re-enacting what we’ve already been through. If often doesn’t feel fair that we have to deal with the consequences and aftermath of family shit.
The healing part isn’t easy. How do we know when we’ve healed? Like I said before, it’s not like a scab that you can see healing over….
If baring my soul to you (and the world) has moved or touched a part of you in any way, then your support would be very welcome. To help me on this healing journey, perhaps you’d like to buy me a coffee (although mines a tea) via the link below:
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