Musings
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As a survivor of childhood trauma, thriving is a thing that I’m literally having to learn. And that is in all areas of my life from play to work to relationships. Especially with relationships. I haven’t had the discerning ability to know what’s good for me or not, and how to ‘choose’ male relationships rather Read more
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Reading books about trauma lately, I totally relate to how trauma survivors (who haven’t learned to regulate and heal) stay in survival mode. Survival mode (for me anyway) is linked to comfort zone, what feels safe and familiar and getting ‘through’ life rather than getting ‘from’ life. There’s a big difference in getting through life Read more
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I’m feeling very flat, uninspired and unmotivated. It was like a wave of sad-sack-ness descended upon me out of nowhere yesterday and I’m struggling to write this…(a sad sack is sad, gloomy person….). I thought I was doing so well… I realised last night that I hadn’t written for four days. Well, I lie. I Read more
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I’ve started reading a book about healing the inner child – I think that very much goes hand-in-hand with healing childhood trauma, don’t you think? One ‘symptom’ of ingrained childhood trauma is difficulty maintaining relationships. Now, I’ve never considered myself someone who can’t make friends or maintain friendships or relationships. In fact, I make friends Read more
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I started writing out this post yesterday. Usually I can complete a post quite quickly and get into my flow as this stuff just oozes out of me. But I was finding it really difficult to write yesterday and I felt very, very shitty…. I’m wasn’t flowing and I felt clogged up (in fact I Read more
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I’m learning to dial down my survival speed setting from super fast to slow. That is the sign of a dysregulated nervous system. How many cold showers is it going o take to get regulated??? All my life I’ve simply floated along, going through the motions whilst I’m not all there. It’s been a flat, Read more
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I *actually* finished reading one of the books I mentioned, Healing from Trauma, a Survivors Guide (I’ve mentioned it before) can’t remember which post, sorry. I started it a few months ago, got part way through, then got distracted so put it down and started looking at something else trauma related, maybe YT videos. I Read more
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It’s nearly 7 months (6 months and 3 ish weeks to be precise) since I gathered the emotional and mental strength to leave my narcissist boyfriend. I’ll call him full-on narc. Full-on narc was the second narc I attracted between 2020 and 2022. I do believe we attract people energetically and being a trauma survivor, Read more
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I haven’t written for a few days and it feels like I should have, and feeling a bit bad as this is a commitment to myself. Although I’m not being unkind to myself these days. I have been baking and frosting cakes through the last few days so I’ve not been sitting around navel gazing….In Read more
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I haven’t written for a few days; neither have I been doing enough physical exercise or pranayama (breath work) or vagus resetting, although I do manage to stand under a cold shower most days. I did go for a 5 mile walk yesterday (for the first time in days). I had been feeling like I’m Read more