Musings
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I haven’t written for a few days; neither have I been doing enough physical exercise or pranayama (breath work) or vagus resetting, although I do manage to stand under a cold shower most days. I did go for a 5 mile walk yesterday (for the first time in days). I had been feeling like I’m… Read more
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This has bothered me for a long time but I’ve never really known myself. I know most of the human population could say that about themselves but I mean in the context of thriving and doing things that make me happy. It was watching the headline act at Glastonbury festival on Saturday night, Coldplay, that… Read more
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Last year I stayed at a B&B down south with my narcy ex called “Gunnado”. I didn’t get it at first. I pronounced it “Gunardo”. It’s actually pronounced “Gunn-a-do” – you know, I’m gunna do it. Simply because the owners had the flat on their ‘gunna-do-it” list. Didn’t realise that flat was an oracle telling… Read more
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Is anger also suppressed or unused creativity? I once saw a Brene Brown quote that goes something like “unused creativity isn’t benign; it metasizes – it turns into anger, rage, frustration and shame” – something like that. That is not verbatim. It resonated like pressing down on deep bruise. Writing is my flow place. It… Read more
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I’ve spiralled over the past few days, since last Thursday. I’ve been feeling depressed, lost, with no feeling or purpose, no direction, lost in the wilderness of my life (again – I’ve been here before) and the same compulsive thoughts flying around my mind that I can’t seem to get rid of. I got up… Read more
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I’ve read that being mentally scattered or just plain scatty is a by product of a fucked up, deregulated nervous system from early trauma It’s how I feel this morning. Scatty, scattered and totally ADHD, where I can’t focus on my morning yoga and exercise routine (because my mind is anxious racing around everywhere). You’d… Read more
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I started writing this post a week ago, felt like shit as I was going on and on about nothing and then committed it to the drafts bin because it felt like I was walking through treacle. I mustered up the energy that day to open my lap top and write. I’m wasn’t finding it… Read more
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So I couldn’t write yesterday feeling as flat as pancake and completely deflated after getting really stressed out trying to catch my cat to get him in. I think he’s a little unwell (he’s eating, but not like he normally does) and was being a total PITA (pain in the ass) trying to get him… Read more
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I’m struggling to write today. I feel flat. My beloved pet cat has stressed me out to the max acting like a spoilt teenager (although he’s 7 so that makes him 49 in human years). I haven’t written for a few days and pissed off as I made a commitment to myself to write every… Read more
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Today I feel strangely together and resilient, much more myself. I haven’t felt this strong and together in literally months and I’m trying to figure out what’s changed. Of course I’ve started this blog thing, which is for me to document my healing journey from childhood trauma and write on here daily. Seriously, I have… Read more