inner child
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I’ve been unable to write for over a week. And I’ve been reading too many novels. My creativity has felt crooked and crumpled down within me, concertinaed like a less-than-pretty origami shape that I didn’t know how to undo; I’ve been feeling like a tangled mess (like my split ends all mangled together) and I Read more
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A lot of people call themselves “big kids” don’t they? “I’m just a big kid”. I said it last night to someone at a new yoga-type class I went to. Big kid is a euphemism for adult child. Imagine saying that “yeah, I’m an adult child”. Doesn’t sound so cool does it? How many other Read more
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Yes I know: relationships are hard for most people at the best of times. But I really don’t think it’s the same playing field when you’ve had childhood trauma to contend with and a dysregulated, handicapped nervous system that wreaks havoc with day-to-day living (and imbedded, unconcious neediness), which has left me with a trail Read more
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My anxiety has a voice. It’s only very recently I’ve realised that it’s the voice of chronic anxiety (although I hate labels like that). It’s a negative voice by default constantly popping up in all kinds of scenarios warning me of some impending doom. But I don’t think it (meaning the voice) or me are Read more
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As usual my posts are irregular, haphazard and disorderly. But I did say that I’d post when I had something to say rather than trying to scrape out something for the continuity and hell of it. When writing from the heart, it has to be from the heart, that’s when it makes the biggest impact. Read more
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I had a brain dump on Whatsapp. Yes I message myself when a thought comes to me. It’s quite good you should try it some time. Anyway here’s my literal, unedited Whatsapp message brain dump: This is what it has felt like and feels like living in a traumatised CPTSD body: Scattered, unfocused, inability to Read more
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Let’s talk about dysregulated. It’s happened twice in 7 days and I feel like I’ve regressed… I fucking hate it; just when I think I’m healing and then BOOM something comes along to slap me hard in face and sends me stumbling and sliding down a slippery slope into the “trigger-dome”, reminding me that there Read more
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I’m bawling my eyes out right now whilst I write this….a part of me got triggered yesterday. In fact, I think it a very HUGE and WOUNDED part….:( I saw a girl/young-ish woman probably 30-something in the supermarket. I was at the normal checkout with an actual human serving me ( I like to be Read more
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I’m at an impasse; I’m trying to ‘sort my life out’ (again) for probably the 5th time in the last decade, figuring out how to move forward and carve out my life (again) reinventing myself (again) and I’m confused not knowing where to start (again) at 49. Although the therapy I’m having is giving me Read more
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As above, so below; as within, so without. I originally started this post on 3 Feb 25 but it fell by the wayside which pisses me off as this writing is cathartic for me and also a promise to myself and my healing. There’s just been too much aggro and bullshit going on in my Read more