Healing
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A lot of people call themselves “big kids” don’t they? “I’m just a big kid”. I said it last night to someone at a new yoga-type class I went to. Big kid is a euphemism for adult child. Imagine saying that “yeah, I’m an adult child”. Doesn’t sound so cool does it? How many other… Read more
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Yes I know: relationships are hard for most people at the best of times. But I really don’t think it’s the same playing field when you’ve had childhood trauma to contend with and a dysregulated, handicapped nervous system that wreaks havoc with day-to-day living (and imbedded, unconcious neediness), which has left me with a trail… Read more
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My lack of real friends and closeness with others is bothering me and has been for over a week. I got triggered last week by someone I consider a friend (but who clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me) who I knew was sweeping me aside. You can tell what’s going on from text… Read more
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As usual my posts are irregular, haphazard and disorderly. But I did say that I’d post when I had something to say rather than trying to scrape out something for the continuity and hell of it. When writing from the heart, it has to be from the heart, that’s when it makes the biggest impact.… Read more
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Have you ever had a gush of emotion that comes up out of nowhere, for no reason, catching you off guard and literally brings you to tears? Well it’s been happening quite a lot lately, mainly when I’ve been working out. So I’m pondering about the connection between doing a workout and emotional release? It… Read more
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I had a brain dump on Whatsapp. Yes I message myself when a thought comes to me. It’s quite good you should try it some time. Anyway here’s my literal, unedited Whatsapp message brain dump: This is what it has felt like and feels like living in a traumatised CPTSD body: Scattered, unfocused, inability to… Read more
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I started writing this last night but I just couldn’t flow, totally wired and trying to come down from the ceiling from an external battle that I’m in right now. I was sitting in front of the screen last night, with a tightness in me and overthinking on what to write even though I knew… Read more
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I’m at an impasse; I’m trying to ‘sort my life out’ (again) for probably the 5th time in the last decade, figuring out how to move forward and carve out my life (again) reinventing myself (again) and I’m confused not knowing where to start (again) at 49. Although the therapy I’m having is giving me… Read more
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Yes I’ve been silent for a month or so (again) and yes I know, I’m not keeping the promises to myself to document this healing journey as often as I should. Should is a heavy word. But at the same time, I can’t and won’t pressure myself. This is my journey of healing and it’s… Read more