Dysregulation
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Oh for fuck’s sake…I’ve spiralled again this week. Not enough exercise, not getting up early enough, not doing my pranayama (yeah, yeah ‘breathwork’), not enough yoga, didn’t go outdoor swimming blah blah, fucking blah…. The sad-sack-ness has consumed me. Grief and overwhelm (I’m experiencing both at the moment) and a complete paralysis to want to… Read more
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I’ve spiralled over the past few days, since last Thursday. I’ve been feeling depressed, lost, with no feeling or purpose, no direction, lost in the wilderness of my life (again – I’ve been here before) and the same compulsive thoughts flying around my mind that I can’t seem to get rid of. I got up… Read more
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From as way, way back as I can remember, anger has plagued my life and unfortunately it’s my go-to response with any situation where there’s injustice of some description. I’ve not to this day learned to temper my anger.. Whether it’s my life or something I’ve read about or seen, anger is my modus operandi.… Read more
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I am re-reading, in my opinion, a very good book that I bought a few months ago when the realisation hit me that I have a mountain of unresolved trauma to heal. It’s a secret read. Not one of these hyped-up, over marketed, polished Hay House authors (that is all about them, their image and… Read more
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I’ve read that being mentally scattered or just plain scatty is a by product of a fucked up, deregulated nervous system from early trauma It’s how I feel this morning. Scatty, scattered and totally ADHD, where I can’t focus on my morning yoga and exercise routine (because my mind is anxious racing around everywhere). You’d… Read more
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I was really worried after I split from The Narc in Dec 2023 that I wouldn’t know how to spot another one, and that another would surreptitiously infiltrate itself into my life again to wreak havoc. Well I’m quite pleased with myself. My narc-dar (that’s a narc radar) seems to be working; I’ve spotted and… Read more
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So I couldn’t write yesterday feeling as flat as pancake and completely deflated after getting really stressed out trying to catch my cat to get him in. I think he’s a little unwell (he’s eating, but not like he normally does) and was being a total PITA (pain in the ass) trying to get him… Read more
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I’m struggling to write today. I feel flat. My beloved pet cat has stressed me out to the max acting like a spoilt teenager (although he’s 7 so that makes him 49 in human years). I haven’t written for a few days and pissed off as I made a commitment to myself to write every… Read more
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I had a cold shower again this morning and did my pranayama (I hate the term “breath work”) It’s fucking pranayama, why don’t people use the correct terminology and give it the credence it deserves???? And I do the funny eye movements (look it up online, resetting the vagus nerve through eye movements). Those things… Read more