Dysregulation
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These are my diarised series of ‘thought notes’ that I Whatsapp’d to myself from August 2025 -January 2026, (a blogging hiatus lasting 5 months). Sometimes a one liner. Sometimes an essay. All raw, unabated truth. Any similiarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental… 4 September 2025: Felt really let down by P. It Read more
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These are my diarised series of ‘thought notes’ that I Whatsapp’d to myself from August 2025 -January 2026, (a blogging hiatus lasting 5 months). Sometimes a one liner. Sometimes an essay. All raw, unabated truth. Any similiarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidental… 26 August 2025 I met J today. Went for a Read more
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Experiences come along to highlight unresolved pain, to expose the unhealed parts of ourselves, revealing itself as emotionally triggering situations and disproportionate pain. If a seemingly incocuous situation hurts way too much, and disproportionately so, then it’s the signal of an unhealed wound; if you can’t simply shrug it off, it’s undigested pain from the Read more
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(continued from part 1) After the unholy trinity left, Mum and I were alone and the hunted. Completely cut off and ostracised by any family we had, (she was the divorced black sheep of the family), I learned that I had to keep my sword drawn and be on guard 24/7, chronic anxiety alarming me Read more
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I know I had a “Babadook” living in me for a very long time… (and it’s taken me weeks to try and write this post which is siginificant in itself). It’s just too huge a subject in my life. No, I never coined the phrase ‘Babadook’. It’s a movie I was drawn to watch about Read more
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I feel like crying. I’m conscious of the fact that I haven’t written in 3 weeks not because I didn’t want to, but I just can’t seem to. Yes I’ve been away for 9 days in between (which is a valid ‘excuse’) but after writing my previous post where I candidly expressed how my pain Read more
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….a continuation (there’s too much to say…) The unholy trinity abandoned us knowing all of the dangers, without any warning, without a conversation; devoid of an explanation, without a care in the world. They were like sisters to me. I’d grown up with them from a baby. They were all I knew and I loved Read more
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My mental health has taken a huge nose-dive this past week. I’m still fragile. Extremely. I feel like I’ve collapsed from within. My emotions are teetering and simmering on the surface and I’m edgy as hell. Very edgy. I’m crying easily over seemingly minor issues and I feel weak from within; all my inner strength Read more
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I’ve been unable to write for over a week. And I’ve been reading too many novels. My creativity has felt crooked and crumpled down within me, concertinaed like a less-than-pretty origami shape that I didn’t know how to undo; I’ve been feeling like a tangled mess (like my split ends all mangled together) and I Read more
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A lot of people call themselves “big kids” don’t they? “I’m just a big kid”. I said it last night to someone at a new yoga-type class I went to. Big kid is a euphemism for adult child. Imagine saying that “yeah, I’m an adult child”. Doesn’t sound so cool does it? How many other Read more