Beyond the wreckage
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I feel like I’ve fallen off the wagon…I haven’t written since 27 July. But I do have a very valid excuse. It’s because I *actually* took a dear friend’s advice to get out of my mental and daily rut (I’m a pro at NOT taking advice!!) and went away for a week for a sojourn,… Read more
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As a survivor of childhood trauma, thriving is a thing that I’m literally having to learn. And that is in all areas of my life from play to work to relationships. Especially with relationships. I haven’t had the discerning ability to know what’s good for me or not, and how to ‘choose’ male relationships rather… Read more
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It’s a Saturday sunny midday and I’m sitting down to write this blog. I’m not sure how many Saturdays I’ve sat down to write. I feel strangely peaceful and calm today; I don’t feel so stormy from within today. What it could be is I did do some yoga this morning along with vagus nerve… Read more
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I’m learning to dial down my survival speed setting from super fast to slow. That is the sign of a dysregulated nervous system. How many cold showers is it going o take to get regulated??? All my life I’ve simply floated along, going through the motions whilst I’m not all there. It’s been a flat,… Read more
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I *actually* finished reading one of the books I mentioned, Healing from Trauma, a Survivors Guide (I’ve mentioned it before) can’t remember which post, sorry. I started it a few months ago, got part way through, then got distracted so put it down and started looking at something else trauma related, maybe YT videos. I… Read more
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It’s nearly 7 months (6 months and 3 ish weeks to be precise) since I gathered the emotional and mental strength to leave my narcissist boyfriend. I’ll call him full-on narc. Full-on narc was the second narc I attracted between 2020 and 2022. I do believe we attract people energetically and being a trauma survivor,… Read more
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This has bothered me for a long time but I’ve never really known myself. I know most of the human population could say that about themselves but I mean in the context of thriving and doing things that make me happy. It was watching the headline act at Glastonbury festival on Saturday night, Coldplay, that… Read more
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Is anger also suppressed or unused creativity? I once saw a Brene Brown quote that goes something like “unused creativity isn’t benign; it metasizes – it turns into anger, rage, frustration and shame” – something like that. That is not verbatim. It resonated like pressing down on deep bruise. Writing is my flow place. It… Read more
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I started writing this post a week ago, felt like shit as I was going on and on about nothing and then committed it to the drafts bin because it felt like I was walking through treacle. I mustered up the energy that day to open my lap top and write. I’m wasn’t finding it… Read more
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I was really worried after I split from The Narc in Dec 2023 that I wouldn’t know how to spot another one, and that another would surreptitiously infiltrate itself into my life again to wreak havoc. Well I’m quite pleased with myself. My narc-dar (that’s a narc radar) seems to be working; I’ve spotted and… Read more