I was really worried after I split from my narc in Dec 2023 that I wouldn’t know how to spot another narc and that another would surreptitiously infiltrate itself into my life again to wreak havoc. Well I’m quite pleased with myself. I’ve spotted someone whom I was in a pseudo-friendship with, I say pseudo because that’s what it is until you start to really get to know, like and trust someone. Until then it’s an acquaintance, a fair-weather friend, someone you hang out with if you’ve got similar tastes, conversation and interests. I’ve known this woman for some time, have not really spent much time together so she’s been an arms-length friend (thankfully) but I recently got in touch as we had a mutual interest in open water swimming.
I won’t bore you with the minutiae of detail, but following an awful dinner party experience with this woman a few days ago, or should I say 13 year old girl trapped in a woman’s body, where I was the unappreciated chef, sous chef and commis chef at her house, and seeing some of the classic signs targeted towards me, I realised I have a narc barometer installed in my head (thanks my narc!) which shows me degrees of narcy behaviour. So there you have it! I’ve actually proved myself wrong, identified one and weeded her out of my life. I have confronted her about her behaviour towards me (no need for passive aggression) and glad I didn’t hold my breath for an I’m-taking-accountability-for-my-actions-sorry-you-felt-unhappy adult response from her. As I quietly predicted her response fell into the child telling lies/victim/blame/tantrum category….
Once you’ve been subjected to emotional narcissistic abuse, you can actually spot the signs quite quickly:
- total disengagement and lack of interest in your life when you try and talk about yourself.
- it’s ALL about them, them and them.
- it’s never their fault.
- no compliments or praise (when you do anything good or nice).
- criticising others (who do nice things for them)
- always angry.
- have a victim mentality.
- they tell stupid lies that can easily be verified as lies.
- bitchy remarks for no reason or pointing out minor faults (in you or others).
- discourteous and you feel under-valued and unappreciated (when you’ve done something nice for them).
- not taking any accountability or responsibility when you confront them about their actions/upsetting behaviour – there’s a great word for it. It’s intransigent.
- they impose what they want on you without your permission.
- they behave like children trapped in an adult body (because that’s what they actually are).
- they like people who look up to and worship them in some way.
- material things make them feel very, very important.
Of course this list isn’t exhaustive but the one I’ve weeded out is a covert narc displaying all of the above and it’s not very obvious at first – I’d never have put her in that category of human.
Anyway, perhaps this is a milestone on my healing journey…and maybe I’ll become a narc repellent and they won’t even enter into my aura…???
If baring my soul to you (and the world) has moved or touched a part of you in any way, then your support would be very welcome. To help me on this healing journey, perhaps you’d like to buy me a coffee (although mines a tea) via the link below:
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