Dysregulation
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Is leaky boundaries like leaky gut sydrome where toxins leak in and out? I have to face facts that I have boundaries like a tea bag (although I like to think I’m oh so together). I say this because of what happened a few days ago when I went to a small event about writing.… Read more
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I had a brain dump on Whatsapp. Yes I message myself when a thought comes to me. It’s quite good you should try it some time. Anyway here’s my literal, unedited Whatsapp message brain dump: This is what it has felt like and feels like living in a traumatised CPTSD body: Scattered, unfocused, inability to… Read more
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Let’s talk about dysregulated. It’s happened twice in 7 days and I feel like I’ve regressed… I fucking hate it; just when I think I’m healing and then BOOM something comes along to slap me hard in face and sends me stumbling and sliding down a slippery slope into the “trigger-dome”, reminding me that there… Read more
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I’m bawling my eyes out right now whilst I write this….a part of me got triggered yesterday. In fact, I think it a very HUGE and WOUNDED part….:( I saw a girl/young-ish woman probably 30-something in the supermarket. I was at the normal checkout with an actual human serving me ( I like to be… Read more
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I started writing this last night but I just couldn’t flow, totally wired and trying to come down from the ceiling from an external battle that I’m in right now. I was sitting in front of the screen last night, with a tightness in me and overthinking on what to write even though I knew… Read more
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I’m at an impasse; I’m trying to ‘sort my life out’ (again) for probably the 5th time in the last decade, figuring out how to move forward and carve out my life (again) reinventing myself (again) and I’m confused not knowing where to start (again) at 49. Although the therapy I’m having is giving me… Read more
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As above, so below; as within, so without. I originally started this post on 3 Feb 25 but it fell by the wayside which pisses me off as this writing is cathartic for me and also a promise to myself and my healing. There’s just been too much aggro and bullshit going on in my… Read more
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I’ve just read one of my previous posts Solace is Golden, and I know I’ve regressed. For the past 3 weeks since I re-surfaced to share my healing, I’ve not been able to cope with my emotions. I haven’t written in recent weeks as the emotional overload has left me feeling deflated and depressed with… Read more
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I know that’s the name of a rock band and this blog has nothing to do with music (just in case you’re inclined to continue reading). Little things can make me fly off the handle in an inconsolable rage. I often react wildly disproportionately to minor things that most people would find mildly annoying or… Read more
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Reading books about trauma lately, I totally relate to how trauma survivors (who haven’t learned to regulate and heal) stay in survival mode. Survival mode (for me anyway) is linked to comfort zone, what feels safe and familiar and getting ‘through’ life rather than getting ‘from’ life. There’s a big difference in getting through life… Read more